Current Event Post of Titanic Proportion

I know, you’re all impressed by how topical and culturally relevant I am.

 

Stuff I do on the Internet: Lumosity

Lumosity comes from the word Latin root word Lumos, which means no one cares about Latin.  The company’s goal is to improve your cognitive abilities through a series of games (if you don’t know what cognitive means, you might want to sign up).  The games revolve around 5 categories each specifically designed to improve an aspect of your memory, speed, attention, problem solving, and of course shooting lasers from your eyes.

The trial period lasts for three days.  I was planning on paying the $6.70 a month for a year plan; however, I realized after doing brain training for a few weeks for free I should become smart enough to find a way to use the service year round without paying.  As a result, I am now on my second account.  Here were my scores after 3 days.  Note: I didn’t read the directions and worsened my scores severely.

I am challenging all of you to try to beat my scores.  To challenge me, click here

Googlewhacking Part 2: Ultimate Victory

Two days ago, I discovered Googlewhack.  A day ago, I tried to create a Googlewhack and failed.  Afterward, I decided that Googlewhacking is only done by dumb stupid idiots who have no lives and I didn’t care about Googlewhack anyway.  Later that night,  I drank until the feeling of failure left my body, along with every other feeling in my body except nauseousness.  

The next morning, I started Googlewhacking for an activity to take my mind off my hangover.  As I have always said, Googlewhacking is only done by the most brilliant minds of our generation armed with a wide array of witty words.  Today, I have joined the ranks of the Googlewhack elite with my first ever Googlewhack. 

zeigarnik
n. – Psychology, tendency to remember an uncompleted rather than a completed task.

fastigate
adj. – pointed. fastigiate, adj. narrowing at apex, fastigium, n. (pl. – gia) roof; top; gable.

Things I do Online: Googlewhack

There is something addicting about a Googlewhack.  You start slowly but as you continue to whack it becomes harder and harder to stop.  With each keystroke you are a little more engaged, a little closer to your goal, a little more addicted. As your engagement level grows, your awareness of the passage of time diminishes.  You eventually look at the clock in shock realizing that you should have been in bed hours ago.  Similar to another popular whacking activity, you realize that you are all alone in a dark room feeling embarrassed and a bit depressed.  Welcome to the world of Googlewhack.

Googlewhacking is a term coined by Gary Stock in 2002.  The goal of Googlewhacking is to type two words into Google and have it return one search result.  The rules of the game are that both words must be real words and you cannot use quotations.  This game is as difficult as it is pointless.  It’s extremely unproductive and highly addictive; perfect for anyone using the internet.

Here are a list of successful Googlewhacks.  The catch 22 about a Googlewhack is that by posting you have a Googlewhack, you no longer have a Googlewhack.  Can you create a Googlewhack?  Here are my metrics so far.

Internet Metrics:

Time spent Googlewhacking: 2 hours

Successful Googlewhacks: 0

 

Betrayal

How dare you all stop visiting my blog just because I stopped posting in it/responding to it/logging on.  You’re all fair weather fans and I hate you all!  Who would ever expect the people who only followed me because I followed them would turn their back on me so quickly.  

Words With Hitler

Words With Friends is Neo-Nazi Propaganda

These Are All More Acceptable Choices To Jews

 

Obesity–Totally Worth It

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, adult obesity grew more than two fold between 1970 and 2010.  The reason for this is high fructose corn syrup.  Since its introduction in the late 1970’s, high fructose corn syrup usage has increased by 4000%.  Instead of combating obesity, the government spends $5.5 billion a year subsidizing corn, the primary ingredient of high fructose corn syrup.  With the largest agricultural subsidy in the world to keep prices low, corn is a cheap for sugar substitute used in almost everything.  Companies pass these savings onto the customers and use high fructose corn syrup’s low price to produce large quantities of sugary goods at super competitive prices.  With the rise in cheap sugar products , it’s no wonder Americans consume an average of 200 calories a day more than they did in the 1970’s.

God Bless Facebook

Writing is Hard

I took a test in the third grade.  The test consisted of a bunch of weird geometry questions.  I entered into a zen-like state and began to ponder the questions.  Then, it hit me.  My mind became one with the universe and I realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.  After this profound experience, I regained consciousness and I instantly knew I was going to ace this test… because the guy sitting next to me was Asian and had left to use the bathroom.  After copying his answers and turning in my test, I was invited to join the  Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) program.  There is no point to this story.  I am just bragging.

Note: 65% of my 3rd grade class also joined the GATE program; however, I believe that 64% of my third grade class entered the program through a clerical error.

Rational Fears

I have a completely rational fear of beans.  Beans, in almost every form, are disgusting and unfit for human consumption.  I used to wonder why people would consume something so vile?  Then I discovered the Pop genre of music and it all made sense.  People are stupid.Beans come in a variety of attractive colors such as violent diarrhea, liquidy vomit, and black death.

Back in the day, Hollywood made the mistake of glamorizing beans.  They showed rugged cowboys eating beans as a testament to one’s masculinity.  It makes sense.  If you can eat something this horrible, you’re obviously tough.  This theory held weight until the movie Brokeback Mountain came out of the closet.  The aftermath of this film turned every cowboy on earth into a homosexual in the eyes of the youth.  Today, people who eat beans because of cowboys are disgusting sexual deviants.  I forgot where I’m going with this, but here’s a fun fact.  After being seen as a team full of homosexuals, the Dallas Cowboys have only won a single playoff game since the release of Brokeback Mountain.