Obesity–Totally Worth It

February 24, 2012 § 11 Comments

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, adult obesity grew more than two fold between 1970 and 2010.  The reason for this is high fructose corn syrup.  Since its introduction in the late 1970’s, high fructose corn syrup usage has increased by 4000%.  Instead of combating obesity, the government spends $5.5 billion a year subsidizing corn, the primary ingredient of high fructose corn syrup.  With the largest agricultural subsidy in the world to keep prices low, corn is a cheap for sugar substitute used in almost everything.  Companies pass these savings onto the customers and use high fructose corn syrup’s low price to produce large quantities of sugary goods at super competitive prices.  With the rise in cheap sugar products , it’s no wonder Americans consume an average of 200 calories a day more than they did in the 1970’s.

High fructose corn syrup is one of the primary reasons for obesity.  Obesity is not cool.  Obese people are at a greater risk for cancer, arteriosclerosis, hypertension, heart attacks, stroke, diabetes, and ugliness.  I hate obesity almost as much as I hate Adam (the black guy from P90x’s ab workout video).  Even though I dislike obesity, I am willing to look past high fructose corn syrup’s contributions because of its role in producing the single greatest thing in American (aka the world’s) history: Cornflakes.

Have you ever experienced a bowl of Cornflakes?  It’s fucking exhilarating.  The only time I have ever matched the sheer volume of joy of eating Cornflakes was the time that I beat Ski Free.  The funny thing about Ski Free is that you can’t beat the game because a fucking monster comes out of nowhere and eats you EVERY SINGLE TIME.  I used that faulty analogy to emphasize that NOTHING beats Cornflakes because they are fucking exhilarating.  It’s playing Mike Tyson’s punch out or a guy with no arms trying to masturbate: you can’t beat it.

Even In a Room Full Of Smokers, You Can't Find A Match for Cornflakes

Obesity is bad and high fructose corn syrup doesn’t help but can we really be that mad?  I mean, in comparison to Cornflake’s greatness, causing widespread obesity isn’t a cardinal sin.  Obese people may die young but a life without cornflakes isn’t really a life worth living in the first place. I feel high fructose corn syrup is a necessary evil in the world today.  How do you feel about it?

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