February 17, 2012 § 23 Comments
I have a completely rational fear of beans. Beans, in almost every form, are disgusting and unfit for human consumption. I used to wonder why people would consume something so vile? Then I discovered the Pop genre of music and it all made sense. People are stupid.Beans come in a variety of attractive colors such as violent diarrhea, liquidy vomit, and black death.
Back in the day, Hollywood made the mistake of glamorizing beans. They showed rugged cowboys eating beans as a testament to one’s masculinity. It makes sense. If you can eat something this horrible, you’re obviously tough. This theory held weight until the movie Brokeback Mountain came out of the closet. The aftermath of this film turned every cowboy on earth into a homosexual in the eyes of the youth. Today, people who eat beans because of cowboys are disgusting sexual deviants. I forgot where I’m going with this, but here’s a fun fact. After being seen as a team full of homosexuals, the Dallas Cowboys have only won a single playoff game since the release of Brokeback Mountain.